Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My Random Rantings and then some

I have a confession..... i have been unfaithful to Hi5!. Yes! Yes! i have been creeping and cheating with Facebook. I don't know how it all started really...but i do feel bad. I guess you could say that Hi5 doesn't do it for me anymore, i have found a better lover in Facebook!. At least Facebook doesn't allow people that i don't know into my home....having strangers call me "baby" and giving me their numbers in Naija (like i am actually stupid enough to call). Basically u can conclude that my love for Facebook runs deep...BUT i will still keep Hi5 on the side as my part-time lover!.

So now that i have gotten all that out, I have been so busy these last couple of days that i honestly forgot that that i had to update my journal. You guys know that anywhere I am, there is bound to be DRAMA!, so i will give u d 411. I am just going to run through a couple of the crazy happenings in MD right now.

Three weeks ago: My friend calls me to tell me that her newly married friend's husband is making passes at her and she didn't know what to do. It seems like "o'l boy" had forgotten the unwritten rule of keeping ur indecent behavior as far from home as possible. She had repeatedly told him that she doesn't like him in the way he might like, but the bobo wasn't hearing all that ohh. AS IN! some men are not smart AT ALL!. It is one thing to cheat and it is another thing to think you can cheat with your wife's close friend!. Na so the bobo dey confess love ohh, talking about he has liked her from the first day he saw her. Naturally my friend was very distressed but I on the other hand was having a ball reading all what he was telling her (and you wonder why some women run over their husbands abi!). The funniest part of the whole thing was when the guy even had the liver to ask her what they were going to do about seeing each other without his wife knowing!, JESU, I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD. Not only do we have here a case of the cheating husband, but we have a particularly rare case of the "dumbest cheating husband known to man". I told my friend not to worry herself, homeboy must be on some special kinda drugs which may have easily clouded his ability to think logically.

Two weeks ago: I get a call from my friend early Saturday morning and she was crying so hard i could hardly hear what she was saying. Half annoyed and half intrigued i dragged myself off the bed and tried to listen closely to her mumbled words. Anyway sha, i could tell she was very distressed so i told her to come over to my house so that we could talk. An hr later she showed up with eyes swollen and basically looking like CRAP!. Come to find out that my darling friend had done the "psycho woman's pastime", SHE HAD DOWN A DRIVE-BY!. For those that don't understand, a drive-by is when you go by your man's house unannounced hoping to catch him in a very compromising position with another woman!. Only problem in my friend's case was that i don't think she was thinking she would find a girl there, she just figured she would pay him a quick visit since she hadn't heard from him the night before. Na so the chick get to his house and let herself in, she walked upstairs opened the door and found her boyfriend of two years in bed with another woman!. At this point in the story i didn't know whether to laugh or cry for her, the whole thing was like a bad Naija movie. Naturally, the bobo was acting all confused when she asked him what was going on, he had nothing to tell her. So she left his house crying her eyes out, she could barely drive home because she kept stopping at intervals on the road. I felt really bad for her, my friend had commitment issues as it was, so finding a cheating boyfriend in bed with another woman wasn't doing much for her self-esteem. I asked her to stay the night since i figured it wouldn't be safe for her to drive home to an empty house. The next day i woke up and was getting ready for church when my friend ran into my room, she seemed excited about something so i sat on the bed to listen to what she had to say. She basically told me that the night before, right after i had gone to bed, she decided to call her now ex-bf and confront him one last time. I guess at the back of her mind she wanted closure and she wanted it fast. Needless to say she got closure all right!!!, she had barely uttered a word to him before the guy told her that first thing Monday morning he was filing a restraining order on her. At this point i couldn't even hold it back anymore....I WAS ROLLING ON THE FLOOR!!!. Imagine the nerve of this guy ohh, your girlfriend who you had promised to marry...finds you in bed with a woman that looks nothing like her and as if to rub in the reality of the situation...YOU ARE NOW GOING TO MAKE HER SEEM LIKE A MAD WOMAN BY PUTTING A RESTRAINING ORDER OUT ON HER!!!. A man that never had a problem with any of her random visits before now, suddenly feels threatened by the fact that she can walk into his house at anytime without calling. I found the whole thing ludicrous to say the least, i had a few choice words to say to the guy... I STILL DO!. The crazy thing about the whole situation is how fast my friend has seemed to bounce back, i guess getting threats of possible jail time from the man who had sworn to love u...WOULD DO THAT TO A WOMAN!.

Last Sunday: About two postings ago i had mentioned that a "crush" of mine was getting married, well the wedding was this Sunday (i know...strange day for a wedding). When i found out he was getting married, i figured the honorable thing to do would be to go to the wedding and just have fun, WELL I AIN'T THAT HONORABLE!. I had finally resolved in my mind that skipping out on the wedding would be what was best for both parties involved, UNTIL my very silly friend RSVP'd on my behalf and told the groom that i will be showing up, I WANTED TO KILL HIM!. So there i was on a Sunday evening, looking cute as can be and wearing a very uncomfortable smile on my face. The ceremony was short and to the point (just the way i like it!) and once the bridal party marched outside being followed by the soothing sounds of Bach, i got up and made my way to the door ...trying to get to the cocktail area in time for some good food. I had only taken a few steps before i saw a line forming right in front of me. I initially thought it was the line for the food, but alas i soon found out it was for greeting the bridal train. I was horrified and speechless, not only do i have to seat through a whole ceremony filled with words of love and wot not...but now i have to exchange pleasantries with the Bride and Groom. As the crowd slowly trickled to the front, i formulated a plan about how i was going to get through this. My plan wasn't fully in place before i noticed i was face to face with the Bride and Groom. With a great big smile on my face i gave them one of my famous hugs, cheesing like my life depended on it. In two minutes i was in the clear and thinking up ways i could kill my friend for dragging me there. The reception was everything i imagined it would be, it was also everything i had prayed it wouldn't be. Even as i sat at the table sulking at the fact that my silly friend was now totally ignoring me to talk to d VERY beautiful girl seated at our table, i couldn't help but be happy for the couple. They looked so good together and i guess i have to admit that if i had taken a moment to envision him with someone other than myself, i might actually have seen how happy he could be. After i had gotten over the fact that i could never have him again, i relaxed and began to have fun. The music was good, the guys..... HAUT!!!, and the food...WELL...THE FOOD WAS SOMETHING ELSE. Bottom line; i am over the fact that he got married to someone else, and his wife is truly an amazing woman and she deserves to have a man like him.

On a lighter note, a couple of my favorite bloggers are getting some love in the media. The newest edition of "True Love" Magazine in Nigeria has a feature on Nigerian Bloggers in the diaspora. It is a very interesting piece and i am so proud of them!, esp since the five women highlighted happen to be personal favorites of mine and two of them inspired my own blog. Anyway if you have a passion for writing, fashion or just plain reading...then you will def fall in love with these ladies too.

Alright that will be all for today!.

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Apparently the Devil wears Ferragamo too!

I am so freaking livid right now!!!! in i am seeing RED, YELLOW, and even BLUE SEF!!!!. At this point i am so irritated that i can't even think straight.

So there is this guy i have been talking to for a while for over a year now. Its one of those relationships where we just "kick it", no commitment whatsoever. I agreed to this BS because when i met him i wasn't looking for anything really serious either (haven just gotten rid of my freeloader long distance boyfriend). He was incredibly good looking with a laugh i just adored to bits, i guess this is the point i should point out he was a charmer too and i fell hook, line and sinker for all his lines. So for months we would just meet up and hang out on a "we are getting to know each other" type level (BIG MISTAKE!). It was then i found out he had more baggage than a full BA flight to Naija, i tried to deal with all the little shockers as they came, even though they bothered me. At some point i wanted more from our relationship but he still had his drama to take care i didn't push.

Everything was fine ..until about four months into knowing him, i had gotten a random call from my "Best Friend" saying that she had something to tell me and she didn't want me to over-react. what is it abi?....she tells me that my "Man friend" who i thought was trying to get to know me, had been making passes at her. My initial reaction was to grab both their heads and shove them down my toilet ..but i recovered quickly. I let my friend off the hook (even though i had a feeling she wasn't telling me the whole story) and i turned my beef to him, which of cos the bobo played the whole situation down like i was being a major drama queen.In the name of "I still like him", i forgave him and we kept our friendship .....but i never did forget what he did and i knew at the back of my mind that i would never want to date a man i couldn't even trust with my best friend. He moved out of the country and i figured that i might be able to get over him now, i tried to ignore the fact that he never called me once since he left..... i almost succeeded. And then I get an IM from him about a month ago saying that he was coming back to the states for a couple of weeks, i was like cool...CALL ME when you get into town. Being the inconsiderate jerk that he is...i never did get any call from him , only those stupid IMs he has grown accustomed to sending in the last couple of months. So i get another IM from him again about a week ago and this time he was coming down to MD. He wanted to see me, but i wasn't so sure if i wanted to give in that easily to seeing him too ...i was a bit hesitant but i did miss him, so i figured it wouldn't hurt to hang out with him. Saturday came and went...NO CALL ....Sunday came and went...STILL NO CALL. At this point i had concluded that he didn't come into town after all.Only for me to get another freaking IM from this Bobo telling me that he did come into town this weekend and that he was planning to leave back to NY pretty soon...but he wanted to see me before he leaves. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!.....I HAVE SUFFERED IN MY LIFE OHHHH, the guy must have thought he was dealing with the "world's biggest dummy", "ode in training" ....shey the lizard does not know that "normal" Americans keep 9-5 jobs?...... abi was his brain that porous as not to remember that for as long as he has known me..... I AM ALWAYS WORKING?. So basically i listened to him ramble on about how he couldn't help the situation that happened this weekend and how he was sorry. Like i haven't heard all that crap before.
Right now...for this moment.....i am boiling over with anger. I am angry at him for being born an asshole ..but more so i am angry at myself. I am angry that i let him get to me, i am angry i still like him even after everything he has put me thru, i am angry i waited for him to call this weekend,..but most of all i am angry that i could forgive him after attempting to sleep with my best friend..but yet i can't forgive him for not calling me. No matter how much my friends tell me not to give it a second thought..... i can't help it. No matter how much they tell me i always knew he was an ass still doesn't make me feel better. I laid it on him thick..even though as dumb as he is, i am sure it was all like being in Algebra class for him...HE PROBABLY CAN'T REMEMBER A THING I SAID!!!. But at least i am happy i told him how i felt about his toying with people's emotions. I can't believe men and their thinking they can get away with so much crap!!!.

On a brighter note, i had fun this weekend!!!. My friend turned the big 25..... so i decided to take her out to dinner. It ended up being about 5 girls and we had so much fun. We ate some good food, had some great cake and flirted with our extremely cute waiter (i hope he enjoyed his 20% tip!), anyway Happy Birthday Ju-Ju!!!. I think i am done ranting for now...i will be back with stories of what I have been up to (believe me ..... THE DRAMA NEVER ENDS!)

P.S: Happy Mothers Day to my FAB Mum!!!...and to every woman who embodies the true definition of love.

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The One That Got Away......

I just got the worst news EVER!...ok so maybe not the worst, but it is still pretty sad. My friend calls me today and goes on to joyfully announce that a mutual friend of ours is getting married this summer. Now ususally i would be all smiles and happy for him..... well that was if he wasn't the one that got away. It all began almost 8 years ago, i was a freshman in college and with very few friends on campus and little interest in making any really. I was woken up one morning by a call from my friend saying she was downstairs in the lobby of my dorm and needed to be signed in. I grudgingly got up and wiped the sleep from my eyes as i cursed my friend for waking me up abruptly. When i got downstairs i noticed she wasn't alone, the stranger in the baseball cap seemed engrossed in a phone conversation with a girl called "Nina", i mumbled a general hello and turned to go upstairs as they both followed closly behind me. It later turned out that the guy i had taken little notice of was my friend's classmate(still don't know what they were doing in my dorm though), he would become the first guy to hold my teenage attention for a while.
He was tall, dark and very handsome. He was amazingly smart and i loved to just listen to him talk. He would come to my dorm room and we would just talk for hours on end...all the while i wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. When exams rolled thru...he would come to the little dingy study room down my hall and ramble on about calculations he had to spend all night doing..... all the while keeping me company on my mission to pulling an "all nighter". On one of the very random Sat that we had little to do, he invited me out bowling with him...i accepted. Didn't feel the need to point out that my ass had never been bowling before. I had the most amazing time that night...i sucked at bowling but he never let me know it. After falling on my ass a couple of times and never really hitting the target, we went out for ice cream.... we took a long walk down the little river behind the bowling alley, as he asked me about my family and my ambitions. With every question..... i liked him even more. I thought i was in heaven really, i mean i was with a man i had the biggest crush on and he wanted to know about ME....i was living out the movies i soo loved to watch.
As the year went on, we hung out and became closer even though neither of us ever said we were anything but friends. About a year into knowing him, i met my now ex-boyfriend. I told him about my new man...he seemed happy for me. Over time i spent less and less time with him and more time with my new man but i still adored him to death. I moved off campus and didn't see any reason to hang out with him anymore, especially when my possessive ex-boyfriend seemed to dislike him. The years passed and we would call each other from time to time...even while i was with my boyfriend, i would still wonder what it would have felt like to be his girl. He became the big man on campus, the guy every girl liked to talk about, he was very popular.... but he always made time for me.

And then today ....i feel like my perfect world just came crashing down. He is getting married and has a beautiful baby girl who he absolutely adores. He is no more the guy that just rambled on about the calculations he hated doing, he is the guy doing his PhD and looking into what the future has to offer. I had seen him only six months ago and i remember it felt soo good to just laugh with him again, recognizing the twinkle in his eye everytime i said something funny. He slipped me his number as we parted ways that night and made me promise i would use it this time..i never did keep that promise. After i got over the shock of him getting married ...i confessed my crush to the friend that called me and in return he goes..."I know...he liked you too". Those words stung...all these years i had wondered what it would have felt like to be his girl..and all the while he had been telling my friends how much he thought he liked me too. He never told me how he felt...for the same reason i didn't tell him how much i adored him. We had both been too afraid to change what we had with each other.
Now i will never know what loving him would have felt like. At the back of my mind, i guess i am happy he found happiness with someone else...i really am. I can't help but wonder if that would have been me he will be waiting for at the altar. Because he is my friend...i am going to show up at the wedding, smile and give his bride a hug, tell her what a good man she has, give him a kiss on the cheek ...all the while dying inside, afterall isn't that what a good friend is supposed to do?. And someday when i get over my pain and can smile back at the memories we did make, He will always be to me.... The one that got away....

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

A date with a resume?...... suspicious. Part 3

So "cutie" stands up and i realize that the one thing i had been dreading was finally coming true. Home boy was standing "tall" at about 5'2 ( a whole 5feet 2inches). I just wanted to dieeee..... if the ground had opened up and swallowed me at that moment..I WOULDN'T'T HAVE BEEN UPSET!!. I looked over at my friend and the questions burning in my eyes were not answered by the annoying smirk on her face. I should have know that the babe had never seen this guy before today. I could only imagine how the conversation between her and her man went....
Heifer Friend's Man: So who is Banke seeing again?
Heifer Friend: Ohh noone really...she just sorta got out of a casual relationship
Heifer Friend's Man: mmmmm... really?
Heifer Friend: why do u ask anyway?
Heifer Friend's Man: Because i might have someone for her
Heifer Friend: I hope he is cute, cos u know Banke can be very picky
Heifer Friend's Man: picky? in this day and age when you women claim that good men are hard to find?, anyway she will like my boy....he is "picky" as well. Just invite her out to dinner with us and i will set everything up on my end.
Heifer Friend: ok..COOL

I COULD JUST KILL BOTH OF THEM!. I had fallen for the oldest trick in the book, how crazy was i to think there could actually be a "normal" single man alive and without a date. I was determined to leave the table with my head held up high..afterall noone ever had to find out that i had just been on a date with 'short man devil'. I gave my friend a quick kiss on the cheek, thanked her for a fabulous night, turned around and flashed my date a smile. I counted to ten, took a deep breath and walked towards the door....i had only taken a few steps before i felt someone grab my waist...WHAT, WHO, WHY, I WILL FIGHT A MIDGET OHH.... , I was about to protest before "cutie" whispered in my ear "let me walk you to ur car". HABA now... why me?...AM I THE ONE THAT KILLED SOLOMON GANDY?....why couldn't i get rid of this guy? would have thought that after the mean look i gave him at dinner, he might be wanting to call it a night. I turned and smiled at him, systematically removing his hands from my waist as we walked towards the door. The feel of cool air against my face was the only thing that brought me comfort, i pulled my jacket closer together as i tried to imagine what life would be like once i was in my car and off on my jolly good way. I have never been speechless in my life, but at that moment... you could cut thru the tension in the air. I just couldn't be bothered to carry on a conversation with him...afterall what did we both hope to achieve from this long walk to my car. I knew the possibility of dating him wasn't ....well..a POSSIBILITY, i had paid my dues to the "midget world" by dating my last boyfriend and frankly a"tall" man is top priority on my 'man list' right now. The combination of a big nose, a VERY black face and "short man devilness" has got to be lethal...right?.
The sight of my Nissan Altima had never brought me soo much joy, i opened my door and was about to get in.... "so are u going to give me ur number or do i have to beg for it" he asked, i contemplated giving him a smart response but i didn't....."mmmm...well i am kinda talking to someone right now" i responded instead. I could see the look of uncertainty in his face...not knowing whether to push for my number or just give up. All the while this bobo was wasting my time and trying to make small talk, all i kept thinking about was how much i would have to pay for bail once the cops arrest me for "child abuse".....there was no way in hell anyone would believe this guy was in his late twenties..... I FELT LIKE I WAS GETTING TOASTED BY A 10YR OLD . The "leaning" thing he kept doing was also making me soo uncomfortable, our faces were soo close together.... i almost felt his big nose brush against my cold cheek. This couldn't be happening to me!!!!!...i thought to myself, whose husband did i steal?, out of all the men i could be romancing right now...someone had thought it smart to give me this joker. I knew i had to get into my car fast......even though i knew he wanted to linger and make conversation, i was not in the right frame of mind for it!. In an attempt to get him off my case and MY CAR!, i offered to put my number in his phone. Once i did that.... i got in my car faster than u can say WHAT!, belt strapped in?...CHECK!, crazy man off my car?...CHECK!. Once my 4inch stiletto heels made contact with the accelerator... I WAS OFF DUDE!.
40mins later and just a few minutes from my house.....
I was finally feeling good, I was rid of my "circus clown", I was fantasizing about my left-over pot of soup, I WAS FEELING GREAT, RELIEVED ALMOST...and then i get a call from a private number (blocked number) i don't usually pick up calls i don't know (yes i am one of those)..but i figured i was feeling wonderful already, so nothing could ruin that. I answered with a skeptical hello..and WOW! guess who it was?...YEP.....MR. CRAZY!. He claimed he was calling to see how i was doing, like....... WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!, why do i attract the crazy ones? didn't i just leave this guy?..and already he was showing me reasons why i shouldn't have given him my number. I heard him mumble a couple of other things....i think!, but then again i can't be too sure...IT COULD HAVE JUST BEEN THE CLICKING SOUND OF MY END BUTTON!. Talk about a night from hell!.

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Friday, February 02, 2007

A date with a resume?...... suspicious. Part 2

I AM BACK! the crying can stop(I KID, I KID). Sorry for the delay, I have been kinda under the weather...actually the weather has been CRAPPY!.( DENG COLD!)
So now i am sitting at the table with two people i want to kill and a man i hardly know...but want to kill as well. I could feel the intensity of his stare burn thru my loosely fitted top as I tried to think of any reason why after all i know about my friend's "set-ups", i had still fallen for her tricks.....none made sense. To avoid making eye contact with my "cutie"( i say that with a very heavy heart), i took a quick glance at the menu...knowing what i wanted to order right from the moment i walked in thru the doors....but not willing to tear my eyes away from the booklet long enuf to acknowledge his presence. The calls of "Ma'am do you know what you want to order now?" brought me back to my very uncomfortable reality, with some irritation i finally looked up at the waiter. I suddenly felt a loss of appetite, so i skipped dinner and opted for dessert instead.....all the while wondering what a good "first date" food was anyway. I had barely placed my order and settled in to the idea of totally ignoring my date and letting everyone else do the talking, before i heard "cutie" ask .... "sorry..... but where did you say you went to school again?", trying hard not to lose my cool, i answered......" I don't believe i told you what school i went to in the first place". My answer must have thrown him off his "game" because he swallowed hard, drowned the rest of his beer and turned away from me. I knew i was being kinda mean to him but i really did not care, meeting the crazed eyes of my friend across the table was hilarious in of itself..... i knew she couldn't wait to have my head on a After dinner was served and i had simmered down a bit, i figured i might as well be nice to "cutie" and give him a chance to annoy me. With my always ready smile, i turned to him and asked him general questions about himself....WRONG MOVE, the guy was going on one kind of tangent i did not understand. As if to let me in on what i would be missing if i didn't give him a chance, he went on to give me his full STATS.... I am talking... full name, age, last known residence, last known girlfriend, reason why she put a restraining order out on him......well u get the drift. As i listened to him talk, i wondered what again i was doing there.... all the while he rambled on about his life and wot nut.... i was fixated on just one thing.... HIS NOSE!. Now i am not one to call out people's flaws...especially if they cant help them, but the dude's nose was beyond this world. The size had me wishing i had something within reach.... just so that i could measure it, as i unapologetically stared it...i wondered for a quick second if it might be out of place to ask him if he ever had any trouble breathing. The way his nose seemed to shift after every breath he took, the way it took up most of his black face, the way it rested so close to his eyes...i was so sure he could almost count the hairs that stuck out of his bulging nose. My friend must have caught me staring at him with a frown on my face, because she called my name and asked if i was ready to go, ....READY TO GO?.... just when i was beginning to get my gas money's worth?....I THINK NOT!. I convinced them to order some dessert and hang around for a little while longer, something still bothered me about this guy, but i just couldn't place a finger on what was out of place.....sure he had a nose bigger than my whole head, sure he talked a little more than my usual dates, sure he might have stalked a couple of girlfriends in his lifetime...but i knew it was much more than that. "So where do you work?" i asked...... "well i am sorta between jobs right now" he answered. Between jobs is just another way of saying ...YOU AIN'T GOT NO JOB!, now it was all coming together....i knew the guy was confused and i relented from pointing out the obvious. Dinner was over way earlier than i wanted it to be, i had gotten comfortable with just sitting down and listening to my "dream date" talk about his plans for a multi-billion dollar estate(pls put in mind that he is not even making the required minimum wage ohhh). I reluctantly got up from our table and waited for everyone else to follow suit.... that was when my date got up and all hell broke loose........NOW I KNEW WHY SOMETHING ABOUT HIM DID NOT SIT RIGHT WITH ME.

Will be back with the third and final part of my very eventful night from hell.....I PROMISE!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

A date with a resume?...... suspicious. Part 1

For the first time in my life i am actually craving a relationship..... any kind of relationship that involves a cute guy, his nice car, Jimmy Choo shoes to make me smile when i am feeling down and a couple of dates to my favorite restaurant (is that too much to ask?). Shallow and totally surface as that might sound ..I AM NOT KIDDING. A few weeks back and i would have spat at the idea of a man "completing" me..but now ... I AM TOTALLY UP FOR THE RISK (yes..Risk). I am constantly surrounded by all my smitten girlfriends who have given in to the idea of being with the one "special" man for the rest of their lives, HAAA....what kind of nonsense is that?. As if to throw it in my face that i am walking a very lonely road by myself, i have been dropped every single night since the beginning of the year..FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS. A planned girls night out suddenly becomes a "me" day in...after getting calls from these HEIFERS telling me that they are going to be staying home sick.... AS IF!, i am guessing the random outbursts of "kunle..stop it now, u are tickling me" are supposed to go totally ignored by me abi?. I don't blame them now...shebi if i had a man to "tickle" me too, i won't be stuck eating left-over Chinese food for dinner.
Now don't get me wrong ..i am happy for them cos i know they do deserve to be on cloud nine, but GOSH! a sister needs some love too. Every conversation now boils down to how wonderful and amazing their boyfriends are, i can't seem to escape the sh*t even if i tried. So lately my friends have been on the almost impossible quest to set me up with my "Mr Right", and i keep telling them its a waste of time since all the good ones seem to be taken. It dawned on me only too recently that over time i have become accustomed to spending late nights with my blanket (who i nicknamed and my laptop (where i can browse all the sites that hold the shoes i "hope" to get). I was fine with my life, everything was just the way i wanted it to be, my bowls of Ben & Jerry ice-cream comforted me, i didn't have to worry about a man keeping me up late at night with his ludicrous stories of his last escapade. I WAS ACTUALLY FLYING HIGH, EVERYTHING WAS FREAKING DANDY!....well that was until recently.
Just two weekends ago, i had made the "stupid" decision to go watch a movie with one of my little heifer friends and her boyfriend.... DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I WAS SMOKING. I had spent the most part of that Saturday doing some much needed laundry and cooking up a storm (for no one in particular) when my friend called and invited me out to dinner and a movie with her boyfriend and his very "cute" friend,... Cute friend?...well that i can certainly hang with.... i thought to myself. I thought about it for a second and considered turning down her offer, bored i undeniably was ..... but desperate for a date..... i certainly was not. I could tell from the heavy breathing on the other end of the line that she was getting impatient with my silence, i thought about it for a few more seconds and threw all caution to the wind. I hadn't been out in over 2 months and the memory of my last bitter "break-up" still burned in my mind. Before hanging up, I agreed to meet up with her and the boys in exactly three hours (short notice for me ohhh). Still feeling uneasy about my quick give-in ...i stared at my already cold bowl of Eba and Egusi soup (I HOOKED IT UP TO!)..... should i? or shouldn't i go?... well I WENT ANYWAY!. I was dressed wayyyyyyy earlier than our planned time (one sign that i was nervous as crap) and i was worried about making an impression. The movie theater was packed with eager movie junkies trying to get their fill of Beyonce's DREAMGIRLS...or was it Jennifer Hudson they were there to see?..ooh well who cares. I could make out my friend's small frame walking towards me, waving her hands high enough, frantically trying to get my attention with her man walking steadily just secs behind friend and her man, but no "cutie" in sight. I walked up half way to meet up with her and quickly inquired about my date, "he can't make it to the movie... but he promised to meet us up for dinner" my friend said, SAY WHAT?....DON'T PLAY WITH ME OHH! i yelled. This little heifer could have told me the bobo had backed out before making me drive all this way to play third wheel to her nicely equipped "okada only" date, i was mad as hell but figured i might as well put my wasted gas money to good use. Girlfriend's man must have thought paying for my movie ticket will appease the anger building in me... but i was already too far gone. We settled in to watch "Night at the Museum" and my friend proceeded to wrap herself around her boyfriend, if she had moved any closer to him....SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN SITTING ON HIS DAMN HEAD!, at first i wasn't bothered with the obvious PDA....well..dat was until they began to laugh at every single scene and grap each other like they had been apart for days. Irritated and already flirting with anger again, i tried to wrestle the bucket of popcorn away from them....all the while wishing i had listened to my head and bought my own popcorn, its amazing what 2 long hrs and experiencing the different variations of kissing can do to a very sane woman .... i was eager to get the evening "almost" over with. I hurried out of the theater and walked as fast as i could to the double doors......i figured if i walked fast enough, i could get away from my friend's crazed antics. We had reservations at a fancy restaurant about 20mins from where we were and from what i could gather from my friend's hushed "cute" date was already waiting for us. Not wanting to be subjected to any more unnecessary public display of affection by the two love birds, i opted to drive my car to the venue even though i knew i was going to regret it. We got to the restaurant, and as posh as the damn place was.....THEY HAD NO VALET PARKING!, meaning i was subjected to an hour long of Baltimore sightseeing all in the name of looking for appropriate parking. By the time i got to the restaurant, everyone seemed to be waiting for me. As i walked to our table, i remember thinking just one thing......PLS GOD DON'T LET THAT BE MY DATE!!. Now i am not much for looks (ok..maybe a little) but the guy seated with my friends and engaged in a deep conversation, looked like he was there to take our orders instead of dine with us, as i drew closer to our table...i contemplated turning around and heading for the door, but i figured it might be too late now considering my bright red top could be spotted from a mile away. I flashed a smile and decided to face my demons, after the mandatory introductions...i took the empty seat next to him. As i felt his eyes burning thru my clothes..i knew i had been set up and this was going to be a long night after all!!!.


Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Wat the devil gotta do with it?

"I'll never do what you did.......NEVER!"
"My case is different...urs isn't"
"I'll never wear white after labor day"

I hear all these crap everyday from the most unlikely places. Its amazing when people you think should know you...become the strangers who walk beside you. I stopped being judgmental when i started being the "case study" i once despised. I really don't care much for people who think they can tell me how to live my life better then ME!, walking away from negative reinforcement has always been what i seemed to do best. As a child, my mum could never understand why i was soo different from other kids.... i was wayyyy too opinionated for my own good and i could never just let anything go. In past relationships, the guys always found out after the third date or so, that my offer of a bowl of egusi soup also almost always came with my opinion on the role of a woman and how society has a distorted view of how i should live my life, even now i can almost see the fake smiles on their faces as they act like they can take what i'm dishing out. Not much as changed after 15 some years, i still surprise myself at how i can seem to rationalize everything, but with age also came understanding.... i have learnt not to get soo worked up when someone disagrees with my stand on an issue. Things are not always as they seem (i can't seem to stress that enuf), so before u feed me to the about you take a look at your own situation...
I digress once again....
I had a frustrating night!!!, now that i think about it....i really should have just taken my behind home after classes. I get a call from a good friend of mine, she needed a ride to the store and was wondering if i was in the area. Luckily for her and unluckily for me...I WAS!, so i took the next exist to her house. Normally i would tell her to come out to the car, but i had my already cold dinner sitting in the I figured i'ld go in and eat it. I must have been inside her house for all but 30mins!!! before we came out to find my car gone!. Now....i have heard stories about how people look for their cars in strange places after it has been stolen...but i never understood the whole deal until last night!!!....I mean... i was looking under other cars, looking in parking lots a mile from where i was!!!...everywhere!. It finally dawned on us that my car had been towed away becos i didn't have a parking permit......AS IF!, I didn't know that in 2006 they still do things like dat!. I was annoyed, irritated and petrified all at the same time. I basically spent the next hour trying to find the friend that could make it to me in record time. My mind kept racing..thinking about my account balance and how it was about to look even more pathetic (gosh! much for saving!). My friend calls in to check up on me and in her attempt to make me feel better, tells me not to worry..that its the devil's fault!...OH HELL NO!, i told her not to even bring the devil into this...becos this was simple logic..IF I HAD A DAMN PERMIT, I WOULD NOT BE CRYING ABOUT MY CAR.
The sound from the parking lot drew my attention to what was going on seemed like the BAMMERS had come to suck some more blood, cos they had someone else's car up and ready to ship!.....then from nowhere comes the owner of the car running and shouting for them to drop his car...needless to say that the guy told him straight up that he should come get it at the lot!!!. So the poor guy is there practically pleading....half panting... for his car and this BAMMER wouldn't let up! if to confirm that brother-man couldn't catch a break, the person he came to see must have been having a "bitch day"..because he kept shouting..."Let the muthafucker walk"..."tow his muthafucking car", i swear to you ....i was cracking the hell up!!!!!!!!!!!.... i couldn't stop from rolling on the floor!..everything that had happened up to that point didn't even matter. I was so concerned about my car being taken in my absence, that i hadn't even imagined what it must feel like to watch it being taken in my presence!! repossession must suck!.
The ride to the lot was longgggg.....i was half-smiling half-upset. My sister then comes up with a plan to tell the manager in charge that we had gone in for a quick second to see a friend who had an asthmatic attack (bad lie..i know!) and that by the time we came car was gone. The plan seemed perfect...almost flawless actually, i was feeling much better, i actually had a chance to get my car back without paying a penny. We get to the lot...and once the woman says..."Mamm that would be $220" sister must have forgotten about the plan becos she turns to me and goes "Banke where is the money now". OK...STOP.......HOLD ME BACK....I AM ABOUT TO WHOOP SOMEONE'S BEHIND. I was sweating bullocks in my coat...the fact that i had been freezing a minute before had nothing to do with how i felt now. I counted my money..and each note represented a bill that would have to be delayed because of my stupid mistake. When the lady reached out to collect the money...i must have held back...mmm... its all really just a blur now, but she called my name a couple of times before i let go of the money. I entered my baby (which sure as hell had better be worth a whole lot more than $220 when i am ready to sell it!)and noticed my brother-man's car parked on the!, i guess he hadn't found a ride to come pick up his car...although i am pretty sure he is not going to be getting one from the very angry fellow anytime soon.
Lesson learned?
NEXT TIME, DRIVE STRAIGHT HOME!. So right now....i'm kinda down..

Gotta wish my baby a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!. You know u'r my darling muse, the clyde to my bonnie, the milk in my coffe(if i drank coffe dat is). Make sure you have a fabulous Birthday. Love you loads!!!!!!. Vous etes un ami etonnant!!!