Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The Love Talk

Why I Am Attracted to People Who Are Bad for Me?
Wednesday. 10/04/2006 at 7:00pm
Happy in your relationship? Single and want to be in a relationship?
Single and happy, dammit? Feel like you're too picky? Or do you tend to want people who are bad for you?
Then you don't want to miss this long-awaited event! Donovan, our guest lecturer from Vaden, will be giving his infamous relationships talk.


Confused?...ok
Let me explain;
So my little Stanford baby called me two days ago, seemed she had seen the above flyer posted near her graduate dorm and wanted to know what i thought of it. OK!!!, first of all she should be glad that i love her soo much, because she had actually woken me up from my beauty sleep to ask for my opinion. In my normal sarcastic tone..i asked her what the hell she wanted me to say (maybe i could just say it and get back to my damn sleep....my boo was waiting!!!). As you might have guessed right, she wanted to know if she fits the bill..HA!...AS IF!..DON'T WE ALL!. So i figured i'll hear her out and see where she was going with this.
My little daryln was worried about "looking bad" if she was caught in such a "place", according to her.... "wouldn't it spell "LOSER" if I have to attend such a talk and in turn review all my past relationships?". LOL! LOL! LOL!..NO KIDDING IT WOULD!, i felt the need to point out the obvious to her, one of which is the fact that SHE HAD NO MAN RIGHT NOW...so how bad could this talk really be in helping her get one?. In reviewing her current "I ain't got no man" status, she was abit worried that guys might begin to think she was desperate and THAT to her was not a way to make an impression in a new school with potential serious money makers. And as if to make matters worse, she was also concerned as to which sorta guys she might meet there...you know...almost like meeting ones husband in a "For Sex Addicts Only" or "Alcoholic Anonymous" meeting. I cringe now at the thought of how the Engagement Night Speech might go...YIKEES!
I let her lay all her concerns down at my feet as i contemplated telling her what she wanted to hear as opposed to what she NEEDED to hear. Well i took the road less traveled..cos i figured if i told her the former, she might be back two days from now with another self-examination, psychoanalysis crap!.
I decided to put her mind at rest by telling her that whatever man she meets at the meeting probably has two things working to his advantage; HE HAS ISSUES (which in any case would mean you are now well aware of his issues and can work around them)OR, HE HAD ISSUES (and he is facing up to them now!!!), either way she really has nothing to lose...right?. Needless to say that i don't think i helped at putting her mind at ease in the least bit. But common now!...on a serious note ..Don't we all at some point in our dysfunctional lives NEED this talk?. I basically told her not to be too concerned about the obvious (which is that they ALL have issues..her included), but to instead see it as another huddle she has to jump in her "I ain't got a man...BUT now i am looking for a good man" stage. We both agreed that it would make her feel alot better if she went for the seminar and then we will have "Our Talk" when she gets back. I said my quick goodnight and tried to get back to Morris Chestnut. Well no luck there...Morris was gone!, but everything else that had just transpired a couple of minutes before..remained.
So now that i couldn't get some sleep, i got thinking about everything my friend had said and it dawned on me that many of us refuse to move on from our current situation because we scared to face our past. I am an advocate for "closing the chapter" on all my bad experiences, but my way of dealing with that is to face the fact that i had those experiences and learn from them. Afterall no one wants to be caught dead living and dining with their demons.
While my friend for some reason had a problem attending the seminar, i would have been the first person in line at the door to get in and when its all over....I WON'T BE KICKED OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT!. Since i seem to talk about relationships soo much and my thoughts on the subject matter are all jumbled up, this would have been a nice outlet to get my questions out without feeling like i am being put under a microscope (what better place to feel at home than amongst other semi-delusional! people).
I remember a time in my life when a trip to the book store meant another self-help book on my shelf, dude!!! i lived the words in those books almost like the state of my heart depended on it (kinda sad i know). Oprah had me feeling like "strong" was the thing to be and when she made the mistake of introducing the book "HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" written by Greg Behrendt, into her book club, dude! i felt like the author had been watching every episode of my Soap Opera life. For months after reading the book, every time my boyfriend would upset me..i'll go "maybe you are just not that into me", i knew he hated those words but what can i say...Oprah couldn't have been wrong!..right?.
Its amazing what a couple of words in a book can do to you! and if my friend isn't soo damn stubborn.., maybe she'll find out what amazing effects a seminar like this can have on one's self-esteem.
If all relationships were soo perfect, then why do people still seek perfection in their relationships, or if the man was "all wrong for you" then why get soo bitter when he decides to walk?.
A male friend of mine once felt brave enough to ask me why i choose to date "bad boys".... i was irritated that he'ld think i liked, maybe even craved men that are bad for me...but then again i couldn't prove him wrong because my precedent spoke volumes in of itself. I still don't have an answer to his question.... although i can't be too sure he doesn't have his own rationalization of what he assumed was my situation
So have you ever thought of why ur relationships never seemed to take off?..or why your present boyfriend seems to be no different from ur last?..or even worse...WHY YOU KEEP FALLING FOR MEN THAT ARE NOT GOOD FOR YOU?.MMMMMM...well I'm sorry i can't help you there...but it seems like this Donovan dude has all the answers.

P.S: I will keep you guys updated on how the seminar went.

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