What's love gotta do with it.....

I really need to stop hanging with soo many girls...cos my already feminist self is beginning to find a reason to do away with men altogether. My girlfriends and I got talking this past weekend and came the conclusion that "Girls spend wayyyy too much energy on Guys". Common look at it...... Whenever you get 2 or more women together, they always have to review their past relationships and relate it to the present one.
So I got thinking...... how come smart, beautiful women stay single for soo long or get mistreated soo bad by past boyfriends that they dread getting into other relationships? ..... why can't they just walk away from the emotional abuse that men deal out?. I sat down with these women and i was forced to review my own relationships as well.
As much as i'ld hate to say it..... I had soo many things in common with these woman. I have always considered myself strong, and even those times that I felt weak...I never let my friends see it. I have learnt to turn away from prying eyes to cry...for fear that once anyone sees my tears....I might be considered that which I fear!.And when my relationships didn't work.....i'ld smile amidst my tears knowing that I could have done better anyway. Now in my mid-twenties....I had once hoped that i'ld have gotten a hang of this love thing by now, but I find myself no more wiser now than when I first felt my fragile heart break. When it comes to men and "love".....I find myself making the same mistakes. Lately I find myself holding on to things I should have let go of a long time ago....."Why didn't I let him walk the first time he turned his back on me?"..."Why didn't I run the first time I got a glimpse into who he really was?".
As if my mind wasn't already playing tricks on me, I got a call from an old friend very early this morning. She woke me up to talk and I should have known by the sadness ladened in her voice....that the tears were about to follow. She told me of her "on-again off-again" relationship with her boyfriend and how she wasn't aware it was "off-again" until she made the smart move to drive to his house and surprise him with a visit. The man who met her outside as he so kindly ushered her to back to her car..wasn't the same man she had shared her bed with, and she knew that as much as she might not want to face the facts....THE GIRL IN HIS LIVING ROOM HAD ALOT TO DO WITH THAT CHANGE. So she calls me crying....and I let her do just that...CRY, afterall.. how do u comfort someone when u need comforting urself. Over a bottle of Barcadi 151 she had reviewed her relationship and now realized how unhealthy it was in the first place. For a moment I was gonna ask her if she had been reading my mind, cos I had been doing the exact same thing before she called. I let her go to bed with promises that it will all be OK by the time she wakes up....I knew deep down that I had lied to one of my best friends. There is nothing better about running in circles when it comes to love.
So now I am sitting here on a Thursday afternoon thinking about all the men I have put my trust in and how I wanted to wring their necks after they broke it. How can a man tell you he cares for you and in the same breath turn around and hurt you?...MAKES NO DAMN SENSE! I'm surrounded by the idea of "true love", but I can't say I know what it is. So while I won't bother my pretty little head on finding love....I can't promise that I'll ever stop asking questions about love and asking why some people find this four letter word ...when to some other people ...ITS STILL JUST A WORD!