Turning over a new...Bee

Ok!!! So I've been found out! I never thought anyone could see right thru me but I was proven wrong once again. Got talking with a friend of mine yesterday after making one of my late night calls to him and he went ahead to call me out on a couple of my previous blogs. It seems he had been reading my "boy-bashing" stories and proceeded to conclude that I might be a little bitter about how my previous relationships ended.
Ok!...In my defense..I can honestly say I had no idea I came off as being a little harsh on guys. I just figured I was telling the truth and apparently the truth can be a little hard to swallow. I was soo taken aback by what he said that I actually let him finish a whole sentence without interrupting. And he basically tears into my perception of the perfect man and how elusive that is. Now I won't claim to know love and all the comfort it provides.....blah blah blah, cos I havn't really been in that many satisfying relationships anyway, but I did't figure anyone would call me "bitter" just because I am not a "man-lover" right now, angry..maybe..but bitter?.mmm I don't know about that. My friend went on to tell me that if I held on to such ideas...then I will only be setting myself up, for wat?..i'ld like to know!!!. AS IF!
Now this is what I don't get......WHY DID HIS WORDS BOTHER ME SOO MUCH???. It's not like I really hated men..right?....right?. I spent about 45mins of my life trying to convince him...but even more so..MYSELF!, that I really didn't hate guys that much. It is true that our experiences shape our ideals...and that couldn't be closer to the truth in my case. I began asking myself different questions......Have I been soo hurt in the past..that I proceed to take it out on every other guy I meet?...... or maybe I just don't understand men as much as I think I do. I kept going on and on about how its really not the way it seems...but I knew he wasn't soo convinced ... can't say I really blame him?, afterall I had a hard time convincing MEEE.
I went to bed feeling like I had let my weakness show....that maybe thru all my facade ..he knew that I longed for something more. I had never let a guy break thru my walls and those that came close ...were shut out in a heartbeat....UNTIL NOW. It was almost like I needed for him to explain to me why I felt the way I did. It seems like I had been soo overwhelmed by my own failed relationships that I had almost let it rule every aspect of my life. Maybe I had even shut out good men for fear that they may actually make me eat my words. My running thoughts were only made worse by my sudden case of insomnia. I thought about every bad relationship my friends had ever been in, and that maybe in some way I had let their experiences dictate mine. The urge to call my friend back and talk things over with him was tempting, but I knew he would think I was crazy for waking him up that early
By morning I was more determined than ever to change my attitude towards men...maybe they weren't really all BAD(some are!!!). Afterall I have met some amazing men in my lifetime (dad and brother included) and in any case my friend tells me if I rule every guy out on the basis of my bad experiences in the male department....I MIGHT BE SINGLE FOR A WHOLE LOT LONGER THAN I ANTICIPATED!!!!....scary thought!!!!. So at the risk of sounding all "brand new"....I might just give the next guy who comes up to me with some cheesy line off the last movie he watched ...A CHANCE!. Its the least I can do ..right?