Sleeping with the Enemy

Life really is a puzzle..and to say dat i have tried to put all the pieces together a couple of times would be putting it rather lightly. Things aren't always as they seem and the obvious ....really isn't that OBVIOUS. I have written some people off merely by the sight of them ..only to find out i was a little too hasty in my decision and in the same instance ..i have put my trust in people...only to have it blow up in my face.
I find it hard to trust not only the person beside me, but also MYSELF. Am constantly putting myself on the defense so dat i dont hurt MEE. My shadow has refused to walk beside me and would rather walk one step behind me.. just soo to keep from making my mistakes. The only wall in front of me is the one i have built with my own hands...plastered with old hurts, lost loves and forgotten memories. Pushing hard up against this wall has left me drained physically and emotionally, hitting my fist in a pattern....hoping i can break into this wall..into my own demons. I can hear the chuckles..i can almost make out the unspoken words, although none would be brave enough to confront me...i know my foes have set out to watch me fail. My only weakness is my ability to succeed....My only strength is my ability to succeed. All these thoughts play in my head like a familar movie...I have read the script...i have played the part before...DEJA VU IS A BITCH!...they say.
I have set out NOT to prove anything to myself, but rather to fight the demons dat keep me up at night. My insomnia is not curable with drugs...for i refuse to lay down with my demons.
I don't live by precedents, but rather i live by my own rules. I have set out to leave my cynical thoughts at the door with my uncertainties. Strip myself naked of my negatives and insecurites and set them at the feet of my foes. From now on i will learn to trust my judgment and leave everything else to fate.